The voice whispers softly in my ear “It’s just not going to work you know.”
Pretending not to hear, I continue on with my train of thought. But the damage has been done. I slow my pace, start to second guess my idea, and fifteen minutes later I’m completely derailed. I highlight the paragraph and slash the backspace key banishing the unwanted words into oblivion.
“See” purrs the voice again” I told you so! You could have saved yourself all that time if you had listened to me.”
“Who asked you!” I snap ” I don’t remember even asking for your advice.”
“You never need to ask for my advice silly” my critic continues” it’s a free service that I offer you. Besides I like watching you try to write too. Where else would I get my laughs?”
“I don’t know, how about you go have a look and leave me the hell alone! I’m really want to get this done.” I fire back.
“Hmmm? Nope, I don’t think so. You’re just too much fun” the voice informs me “And of course you need me as well. I’m the reality that you just don’t want to face. The proof that this is all just a big mistake. A waste of time, of internet space, and effort. Why not do us both a favor, and go up there to the settings tab and delete this blog right now?”
Ignoring the insult, I tell my companion “look, if your going to hang around here, at least be quiet please.
I try to refocus. To retrieve the image that was in my mind not so long ago. My hands rest on the keyboard unable to start. Minutes pass with no action. I notice the cat has now joined us, most likely curious to see who I was talking to a this hour. Fingers lightly tap on the keys but it’s no use, the idea has fled.
“Damn it!” I trash the post, and stalk from the room.
Ten minutes later I return with a glass of juice to try again. My visitor is waiting for me.
“You didn’t ask me if I wanted one” it begins” you’re not a very good host you know.”
I choose to not to acknowledge that jab. I drop into the chair, drink down the remaining OJ, and say “you’ve already killed one idea tonight, why don’t you go away now. You had your laugh, so go bug someone else.”
Surprisingly there is no reply. I wonder for a few seconds if it has really left. That it’s actually done what I’ve asked it to do? “Hello, you here?” Nothing. Still I wait, looking for a reaction or snide remark. Slowly I start to organize my thoughts again as I click the “New Post” button. Glancing over my shoulder, I check again to see if I’m still alone. But other than the cat who has now become bored and fallen asleep, I seem to be by myself again. Feeling its safe to start writing again, my fingers start to build words on the screen.
“BOO!” the voice shouts, startling me” You though I was gone didn’t you. But I’m not. Hehehehe”
“Please just leave me be” I beg the intruder”All I want to do is write something. Understand?”
“Nope, can’t let you do that” it says in a mocking tone” Don’t you have some carrots on ‘Farmville’ that need harvesting? You should do that instead, it’s a better use of your time.”
“ENOUGH” I shout. Slumping in my chair, I give up. This is totally useless. Why do I go through this effort? Maybe I should just pack it in. Defeated I stare at the computer monitor. My hand moves the mouse cursor to the start menu. That is when I notice something. A sweet sound, like leaves in the wind. I tilt my head and stain to hear better.
“Hey” interrupts the voice “what are you doing?”
I dismiss the question, and concentrate harder. Slowly the new sound grows stronger, and I start to understand that I have a new visitor now.
“Excuse me!’ protests the voice “over here. Remember me? You where just about to quit. Hello?”
The new arrival leans in close and coos into my ear. It feels much like the brush of a child’s eyelashes on my cheek. I smile and begin to nod. Soon my fingers are flying across the keyboard, the nagging voice now all but forgotten.
“Ok fine!” cries the critic “so you have a new idea. Big whoop. I’ll be back, I always come back.You know I will!”
I don’t even say goodnight as Mister Doubt stomps from the room. He is right though, he’ll show up again I’m sure. But tonight that doesn’t matter. I have a story to tell.